Aphrodite’s Children: Whose their Daddies?

Zeus announced the upcoming nuptials of Aphrodite to Hephaestus, and sources tell us that the gods have been in an uproar, though the goddesses seem to be relieved. However, there seems to be speculation as to the parentage of Aphrodite’s six children and who her rightful husband should be.

When asked about these developments, Zeus mere shrugged and told us, “The parentage of Aphrodite’s children are of no concern to me. She will marry…um, uh…the Smith and that is final.”

It has been reported by a witness and anonymous source that Zeus barged into Ares rooms where the goddess was with her lover, and demanded that Aphrodite marry Hephaestus. “She freaked when Zeus told her. I thought she was going to faint. Zeus didn’t want to listen to her protests, he ordered Hephaestus to take her away. I couldn’t believe it.”

Since Ares, Hermes, and Poseidon have all been attributed with fathering at least one of Aphrodite’s offspring, we asked them what they thought. Hermes told us that none of them were his, though it is common knowledge that Hermaphroditos looks just like his/her father. Ares tried to claim Himeros, Pothos, Priapos, and the twins Phobos and Deimos. Poseidon shrugged, “Who can say?”

The popular belief seems to be that her eldest Harmonia belongs to Coronus. Himeros and Pothos to daemons or Titans from her time as Coronus’ sex slave. Priapos is Poseidon’s son. The twins Phobos and Deimos belong to Ares. And half-woman half-man Hermaphoditos is Hermes’ child.

When we asked Aphrodite to confirm the parentage of her children, she bestowed that smile as only Aphrodite can, the one that holds the mysteries of the world, and shook her head, “They are mine and that is all that matters.” After that, Hephaestus shoved us out the room and closed the door, leaving us only speculate as to the daddies of Aphrodite’s children. Wonder who they truly are?

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