{Writer’s Journal} 30 December 2011

The year is coming to a close. It’s another year where I feel as if I accomplished little in regards to my writing. I’d hoped to have Once a Valkyrja out 6 months ago. I don’t believe one book published a year is too much to ask. But apparently it is an impossible task.

WHY? WHY SHOULD IT BE IMPOSSIBLE?

Why is it so hard to release a book or more a year? Why does it seem so impossible? What am I allowing to stand in my way?

Is it more than my insufferable psyche interfering in my life? I know I have this idiotic tendency to sabotage any success I’ve made. What the hell do I think will happen if I succeed at one dream? What will happen if I succeed at writing novels? Will the Universe fall apart? Will the world end? Will my life become utter shit? Will D leave me ? (That’s even dumb to think. Hubby loves me.) Will people hate me (not likely), be disappointed in me (more likely)?

My fear of success is illogical. And still, it has the strength to immobilize me, to make me quake in fear of what may come, to keep me from doing what I really want to do. I’d almost say it’s silly, except, silliness doesn’t make it any less frightening.

Affirmation: I can succeed. It’s okay to succeed. Nothing bad will happen if I succeed.

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