The Writing Life

Some days I feel lost in the waves of doubts and fears. Tossed about by the ocean of uncertainty. So many decisions.

What to say? What to do? And no real answers.

I have always been a storyteller, much longer than I was a writer. But a writer is always what I wanted to be. Now I am, and yet, I don’t always feel like a writer. I feel like a charlatan, a child dressed in my mother’s clothes and pretending to be what I’m not.

I feel like something important is missing. As if I’m reaching out into the darkness for it, not sure what is I’m holding, only to have it torn from my hands. The haunting laughter mocking my effort.

Maybe all I lack is a sense of confidence. Or maybe a need to let my voice shout out and cry from the roof tops “I’m here!” Mayhap it’s need to release my fear of condemnation and shouted judgements…

Awful!

Imposter!

Evil!

Mayhap it’s time to step from the cathedral’s shadow and embrace what I am. Embrace the world that is sometimes more real to me than reality. To breathe life into the flat, boring landscape that is my writing. It won’t be easy. I’ve trained myself to do what is safe. I’ve removed most of my personality from my blogging. Until it is…

Dull.

Lifeless…

8 thoughts on “The Writing Life

  1. You should. I imagine the only thing holding you back is time. Would be nice if it’d stand still while I accomplish the things I want to do.

    I’m pushing Shadow Cat along. Today I knocked out chapter 30 and got a head start on chapter 31. Best of all, it’s still early in the evening, so I might finish 31 also. 🙂 Looks like I’ll finish editing by the end of the month as planned. Hoping that last few chapters will fly. 39 chapters in all… at least right now. Earlier today I was at 37/38 but founded a gigantic chapter embedded in chapter 31. Went through and did some reorganizing.

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      • 🙂 I finished the first draft of Shadow Cat Sept 2009. This is probably the 6th time I’ve edited it from front to back. If not for the preliminary work, it’d take me a lot longer. Hopefully with the experience I’ve tacked under my belt, future works won’t take as long.

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        • I find that it usually takes less time the second time around. I think my first book took me about a year to write, the second one was about 6 months, and the last two about 3 months. Revisions and edits also seem to move more quickly.

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  2. I hear the voices mocking me with “And you call yourself a writer. As if!” And “You’re not as good as so-and-so.” Or “One day, you’ll wake up and no one will ever buy another book you’ll write ever again so why even try? Better to give up now.” It’s hard to get past the fears and doubts.

    As much as people say to be thick-skinned about our work, I wiish they’d remember that our heart and soul goes into these books. When people give their reviews, I wish they’d remember that attacking an author doesn’t exactly enable the author to open up to accepting their criticisms. Only people who already care and support the author can lessen the sting, in my opinion.

    Anyway, I think you’re awesome. Awesomer than me in a lot of ways. I know we’re different in our styles and voices but I’d suggest you to someone else looking for a book in heart beat.

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